Blurb for My Darkest Passion

Version 4.0

How about this?

Debt of Honor
Addison O’Henry is plunged into a world of demons and magic when she’s abducted by a dark mage. The grisly ritual he performs is intended to increase his magic, but it backfires, leaving her with lethal powers. Harsh Marit, a demon who serves a powerful warlord, makes the hard choice to keep Addison alive despite the danger she poses to his kind. Instead, he gives her what she wants, a normal life. Can she really turn her back on him and the dark and intense world he inhabits?

Darkest Passion
Even though Harsh’s feelings for Addison are far from innocent, he intends to keep her safe—not so easy with the increasing danger from corrupt mages. As events spin out of control, Addison refuses to ignore the debt she owes him, or the demonkind’s need for her power. A stark choice soon confronts them; she must bind Harsh’s life to hers or let him die. The consequences pull them into an explosive relationship with ramifications that ripple though a world on the edge of war.

OK, what about this one?

 

Debt of Honor Incurred

Addison O’Henry is pulled into a world of demons and magic when she’s abducted by a mage conducting horrific experiments on humans and demons alike. After a ritual murder gone wrong leaves Addison with potentially lethal magic, demon Harsh Marit refuses to terminate her. Instead, he gives her a chance at a normal life. Can she turn her back on him and the dark and intense world he inhabits?

Darkest Passion Explored

Harsh knows he shouldn’t get involved with Addison, but his feelings for her are far from innocent. With corrupt mages threatening them both, he intends only to keep her safe, but she refuses to ignore the debt she owes him or their need for her power. A stark choice soon confronts them both; she must bind Harsh’s life to hers or let him die. The consequences pull them into an explosive relationship with ramifications that ripple though a world on the edge of war.

Slightly less wretched?

A Debt of Honor Incurred. . .
Addison O’Henry has no idea magic is real or that the fragile peace between the magekind—humans who can use magic—and demons could shatter at any moment. That changes the day she’s abducted by one of the magekind. After a ritual murder goes horribly wrong, Addison ends up with demon-sourced magic that nearly kills her. But for the intervention of demon Harsh Marit, she might not have survived. Though Harsh does what he can to help her return to what used to be normal, they both know her life will never be the same.

Their Darkest Passion Explored. . .
With corrupt mages threatening them both, Addison leaves normal behind to pay the debt she owes to Harsh and the demon warlord he serves. Events soon force them into a stark choice; if she doesn’t bind Harsh’s life to hers, he’ll die. Their once distant relationship turns hot and immediate even as the consequences ripple through a world on the edge of war.

After multiple wretched attempts, here’s the first version of a blurb for My Darkest Passion that isn’t awful:

For Addison O’Henry, normal stopped the day she was abducted by a mage conducting breeding experiments on humans and demons. The ritual murder of a demon goes horribly wrong and results in her taking on power matched only by a few demon warlords. Humans almost never survive that kind of accident, and, but for the intervention of demon Harsh Marit, she might not have been an exception. Though Harsh does what he can to return her to a normal life, she can’t forget him or her debt to him.
With corrupt mages threatening them both, her honor requires her to do whatever is necessary to help Harsh and the demon warlord he serves, even if it means accepting her power and leaving behind a normal life. Now her once distant relationship with Harsh turns hot and immediate as the two of them explore the dark passion of a forbidden relationship.
 

Thoughts? Suggestions? Opine away in the comments.

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5 Responses to “Blurb for My Darkest Passion”

  1. Rosie says:

    Opine?? I’m too anxious to read the book to have a cogent opinion.

  2. Timothea says:

    Like Rosie, I’m REALLY looking forward to this book.

    If you really want an opinion, when I read something, it starts to fall into a rhythm in my head and I would make a couple of small changes in the second paragraph for this reason to:

    “With corrupt mages threatening them both, her honor requires she do whatever is necessary to help Harsh and the demon warlord he serves, even if it means accepting her power and leaving behind normal life. Now her once distant relationship with Harsh turns hot and immediate as the two of them explore the dark passion of a forbidden relationship.”

    I know it’s just a couple of words but it makes it tidier in my head. Obviously, it’s your work. Feel free to disregard!

  3. Anna says:

    One sentence appears awkward or a mouthful in the first paragraph:

    “Humans almost never survive that kind of accident, and, but for the intervention of demon Harsh Marit, she might not have been an exception.”

    I could be wrong. Timothea made a nice change in the second paragraph from “her honor requires her to do” to “her honor requires she do.”

    “Normal life” appears a couple of times. Overall, everything looks good.

  4. Timothea says:

    I like the new second paragraph better than the original but actually prefer the original first…

  5. Anna says:

    How about…

    (1st paragraph – some old and new cut & paste)

    A Debt of Honor Incurred. . .
    For Addison O’Henry, normal stopped the day she was abducted by a mage conducting breeding experiments on humans and demons. The ritual murder of a demon goes horribly wrong and results in her taking on power matched only by a few demon warlords. But for the intervention of demon Harsh Marit, she might not have survived. Though Harsh does what he can to help her return to what used to be normal, they both know her life will never be the same.

    (no changes to new 2nd paragraph)

    Their Darkest Passion Explored. . .
    With corrupt mages threatening them both, Addison leaves normal behind to pay the debt she owes to Harsh and the demon warlord he serves. Events soon force them into a stark choice; if she doesn’t bind Harsh’s life to hers, he’ll die. Their once distant relationship turns hot and immediate even as the consequences ripple through a world on the edge of war.