Why Carolyn is Never the Navigator

Today I had to drive to San Francisco to pick up my son who is home for Winter Break. He’s at a college an hour or so south of San Francisco aka through some the worst traffic in the country. Anyway, our agreement is that he gets himself to San Francisco and I’ll pick him up there. This time he didn’t take the bus. He took a different bus and a train. So I had to pick him up at a different spot than usual. He was coming with a friend who we were drop off on our way home, which is only relevant because there were witnesses.

Have I mentioned before that I am directionally deprived? Even with a GPS?

Anyway, I departed right from work and headed to San Francisco and as soon as I was in the city remembering how much I hate all the other people driving in traffic I came to a big old sign that said the street I was supposed to turn on (left or right or some direction or other) was CLOSED. So I detoured and then the stupid GPS started telling me to turn right on streets where you can’t turn right so after some horror and frustration I decided I was close enough (I wasn’t, actually) and I would park in the nearest parking garage and walk there to get them.

So I did this, and somehow I ended up in a part of the PARKING garage where they don’t actually let you park. And this guy is all snotty with me about me trying to turn around and then he says “you have to go up”  So… right. I can’t find any arrows pointing up so I decided fine, I will leave the parking garage and try to find the train station only you can’t get out without paying and I wasn’t allowed to park anywhere and anyway someone ended up voiding my ticket and I was back where I was twenty effing minutes before still with no idea how to find the damn train station.

That’s right. I got lost in a parking garage.

So three times on my way to hell, the GPS is telling me I have arrived at my destination. (Nuh-uh!!) And my son is texting me that they are standing right across from a big Safeway and right then I see a Safeway!

Only it’s not clear how to get there and I took a wrong turn onto … actually the street I was looking for anyway. And there was a Starbucks with PARKING! (It’s a fucking miracle that there is free parking in downtown San Francisco — kind of South of Marketish I don’t really know for sure) so I parked at the Starbucks and told my son to find me.

::::hand waving:::::

There was some confusion, mostly my fault — imagine that– about directions and they walked the wrong way and NOBODY including me was dressed for San Francisco. It was cold. Because it happens the Safeway I saw was not the Safeway they were seeing. Then someone on twitter (you know who you are) said I needed a 12 digit grid cord and then they could find me. And what the hell Army thing is that? Because this person is in the Army. Meanwhile I paid $2.45 for a mint tea I didn’t want so I wouldn’t feel guilty about using the Starbuck’s bathroom.

So anyway an hour later they find me and we got the hell out of San Francisco.

And this is why I am NEVER the navigator.  The upside is that by the time we were leaving traffic wasn’t hardly bad at all.





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5 Responses to “Why Carolyn is Never the Navigator”

  1. Jennifer says:

    So funny! I have infinite memories of getting lost with you in our youth.

  2. Marguerite Jewel says:

    Oh now I hear the rest of the story that is my sister! So proud

  3. […] on the way back from dropping off my son at the train station, I got lost. See Why Carolyn is Never the Navigator. Sigh. But I made it home. I am the Queen of Lost, but my son is the Prince of I Forgot because he […]