Posts Tagged ‘Zombies’

Carolyn Explains Politics Using Zombies and Bunnies

Wednesday, August 29th, 2012

Suzy Jones, Politician:  Today, in this great country of ours, we face a crisis. The world will be destroyed if we don’t act. The Zombie Apocalypse is coming. We cannot let those shambling, groaning, mindless creatures gnaw on our bunnies. Pets and small children should be in the basement. The streets are not safe.

Policy Wonk A (PWA):

Suzy Jones hates Bunnies! Tells families: “Bunnies should be locked in the basement.”


PWA’s claims rated “Pants On Fire times 10.”

PWA replies: Ferd Smith stands for protecting our beloved bunnies from Zombies. Suzy Jones wants bunnies to die in the basement.

Top Google results for “Is the Zombie Apocalypse coming?”

  • Best Zombie fighting weapons (sponsored link)
  • Top 10 ways to Zombie-proof your basement.
  • Securing a room in a dwelling without a basement
  • Hot Zombie babes
  • How to protect your bunny from Zombies

Ferd Smith, Politician: Zombies are attacking bunnies in greater numbers everyday. We need to arm the citizenry with anti-Zombie ammunition right now. Give everyone anti-Zombie guns! I guarantee you the streets are safe for bunnies.

Policy Wonk B (PWB):

Ferd Smith says bunnies can walk the streets!


Policy Wonk B Video Clip Rated “Pants On Fire Times a Billion!”

PWB replies: Ferd Smith says our bunnies are not in danger. Suzy Jones believes in protecting sweet, innocent, fluffy bunnies.

Top Google Search for “How to find your missing pet”

  • Zombie-Repellant, 10 Gal. (sponsored link)
  • Top 2 ways to Zombie-proof your basement NOW!
  • Securing a room in a dwelling without a basement
  • XXX Zombie action XXX
  • Obedience school for bunnies

Two Weeks Later:

The pundits have been eaten by Zombies. Jones and Smith accidentally run into each other outside the Senate. After a brief scuffle they talk and realize they actually have the same goal. They fight Zombies together and save the world for our bunnies.


All The News That’s Fit for News and Other Stuff

Thursday, July 21st, 2011

Where to start?

Some Sad Annoying Stuff

Tuesday, I restarted my iMac and it could not. Could. Not. I made an appointment with the Apple Store and Wednesday took the computer in. Alas, the result was not good. The iMac needed an overnight stay . . . I confess I suspected the worst going in. Not being able to boot generally means a hardware failure (unless you did something stupid like delete system files, which I did not do.) Indeed, the disk repair utility found icky errors.

Today I got the call that the hard drive had breathed its last byte.

So, that’s bad. I’m pretty well fully backed up, provided my Time Machine backups weren’t backing up corrupt data. I’d been thinking about getting a new desktop anyway, but at the moment, I need to save as much cash as possible. So for the meantime, I am using MacFang (the laptop) which, of course, has all my critical writing files on it. I’m having the iMac drive replaced but I’ll have to do the restore from Time Machine when I get the iMac back.


I read a historical romance that made me sad. Because I LOVED LOVED LOVED the hero and heroine, but there were HUGE problems that I could not get over. Also, I think there might not have been any sex, but at the end I was paging through so fast I might have missed it.

Some of the problems:

The story starts with the heroine cleaning out a house she has just inherited.
Two chapters later is the reading of the will in which she is left the house plus some other wacky things that made no sense.
While she’s cleaning out the house, she meets the hero and pretends to be a servant for reasons that made no sense at all. NO EFFING SENSE other than the plot required it.

There were so many problems. So many. Illegal terms of a will. Misstatements of the law as they related to women and property and the rights of husbands. The heroine was the trite and cliche and completely historically inaccurate spinster who could not understand why she did not have the same rights as men and behaved as if this was so blazingly obviously unfair that everyone must see that she is right. Except of course, most people did not. Because there was still about 150 years of social progress yet to be hard won.

And then, then, oh my God. She has a fancy gown made so she’ll look all spiffy for the hero. And the dressmaker tells her the gown, which is transparent more or less, MUST be worn without stays. Because stays would ruin the line of the gown. WTF???? And everyone stands around saying, yes, this is so. You must not wear stays! Stays will make your see-thru gown all lumpy and bumpy.

No. No it would not! ::spluttering::

That’s when I gave up and stopped caring. Because really. Could you at least crack open a fashion book and read about how the stays provided the line of the gown?

Seriously. If you were at a party and some chick walked into the room in a see through gown and NO undergarments whatsoever— no matter how spectacular her body — would you think that was a fashion statement to follow? Wouldn’t you be embarrassed for her lack-wittedness? And that’s today, 50 years after women were burning their bras. Which didn’t last all that long because actually, as most women soon discover, a bra provides comfortable support for the girls.

Today was not really a good day for me.

Good news

Wait a sec. I forgot what it was. Tomorrow is Friday?

Oh, right. Apparently, I am considered a Twitter expert on . . .










Not that either.






Pretty sweet.


Unnnhhhh [shuffle shuffle] unnhhhh

Monday, March 9th, 2009

In case you don’t recognize the blog title, that’s the audio for a zombie, which would be me. Oh, the humanity!

Ask me if I got any work done today. Go head, ask.

No! No, I did not! If you have any brains you have already snatched back your hand — and in the nick of time, too, I might add. Why? Because I had a lunch meeting (no lunch provided) so I had to eat my lunch at my desk while I caught up and attended to another work matter. I had to go home, throw in a load of laundry then get my son to his Math thing and then take him all the way across town to work on an (unexpected) English project, then go grocery shopping, then home to put away groceries, throw the wash in the drying, then sit down and participate in a chat with FBI Agent Julia Hunter. I missed the first half of it because I was home later than expected. But what an awesome awesome chat. Then my son got a ride home (yes! 15+ miles of driving saved for Mom!) but I had to make him dinner and fold laundry and approve the final design of my new soon-to-be-revealed website.

And now I’m tired and going to bed.

Oh, plus after I finished brushing my teeth, I opened the new floss and it would not dispense the floss no matter what I did. So I give an extra hard tug on the floss and pop the top flies off, the bottom falls down and with me holding onto the end of the floss, I watch my naked roll of floss unroll all the way to the floor. Sure, I have floss now, but mint floss enough for three people. Sigh

But now my teeth are extra minty flossy, and even though I have no money because I mailed bookmarks, books and a prize, I’m still going to bed happy because I get to sleep. My second favorite thing to do.

Good night!

The first favorite thing to do is drink sipping chocolate at Viva Cocolate. All of you come to Petaluma and let’s indulge. Why, what were you thinking?


Zombie Alert!

Sunday, March 8th, 2009

Can I just take a moment to grumble about this time change? I hates it. Hatessses it. Why can’t we just stop messing with time? These are powerful forces at work here and all that happens when we play with the very fabric of the Universe is we create a mass of zombies on the highways and in line at Starbucks. Is that any way to run a democracy? No, I say. No! Leave time alone. Time is fine just the way it is right now. Let’s DON’T change it back. Ever. Please?

Right. Moving right along. Yesterday I sent my second paranormal proposal off to my agent. I’m glad that’s done. We’ll see if these two make her cry again. I hope not. Now I need to get to some serious work on revisions.

Today I prepped another batch of bookmarks to go out. It’s going slowly because there are a lot and it’s expensive. Sorry. Also all the books I needed to send, those are ready to go, too.

I’m going to go to bed early. Like, right now, actually. Because, sob when my alarm goes off at 4:25 am tomorrow morning it will really be 3:25 am and the fact that I went to sleep (hypothetically) at 8:30 pm won’t make a lick of difference. None.

To bed. See you all you zombies tomorrow. I advise you to stay out of my way. Because I will be crabby. You have been warned.